Daddy Issues

Confession:

It's 5:44 am & I'm watching Iyanla Fix My Life, the episode where she works with 300 single women.

I was doing good when she asked how many women say they don't need a man. That IS NOT me! I joke about yard work & the garbage but I need help with this life walk and I am not ashamed to say it nor think I am in jeopardy of losing my modern independent woman card.  I need a prayer partner, a shoulder/back to lean & cry on (see my Thanksgiving post on FB).

I was good when she asked about being vulnerable...I've tried almost every online dating service & I've even scheduled a first date at Bikram yoga for Pete's sake! Lol! Then she got to The Daddy Issue...POW! She got me and called me all the way out.  She made us stand and say, "I forgive my father not being there.  I forgive myself for believing I was less than because my father wasn't there." I know I have daddy issues but never articulated them this way.  It was/is extremely difficult because my father was a great man who died when I was very young.  I grew up with stories of how great he was, strangers coming up to me telling me how great he was.  And I know my father didn't want to die & leave us.  So, I grew up feeling like it was "not right" to feel abandoned because he would have been there if he could have been.  Low and behold that's exactly what I do/did with the "great" guys I attract into my life.  They're always good guys I "excuse" for not being who I need(ed) them to be for me because for one reason or another they couldn't help it.  So, I really don't expect a man to be what I need, I have a limiting belief which I no longer want/need.

So I repeat, I forgive my father for not being there.  And I forgive myself for believing I was less than because my father wasn't there.

I'm not sure what to do next but this is an important step to healing and receiving the love I need and deserve.

#doingmywork