The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating You...

Recently, a good (as in “sistahomegirlroaddawg”) friend shared “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating an Uppity Black Woman,” by Phillis Remastered. Identifying with much, though not all of Ms. Remastered’s reclamation of the term “uppity” and the so-called (and very real) dating woes of upwardly mobile, well educated Black women, I found The Guide to be insightful as well as HILARIOUS!!! For example, # 7 is my FAVORITE: “An Uppity Sister does not share a man. Enough said.” No long paragraph. That’s it. That’s all. I shared crayons when I was in Kindergarten and I consciously try to be as generous as I can be with my time, energy and money, but I be DAMNED if I’ma share a man!!!

Anyhoo, a critique I encountered from a friend of the male persuasion was that he didn’t appreciate the sista being uppity enough to tell someone how to date her. In fact, his gmail chat comment was, “see i really don't have a problem with women being uppity per say… i have a problem with women saying this is wut u gotta do to get one of us, u mean i gotta do something other than be intelligent, love God, and be confident in myself, cause if i do then its too much.”

I feel you, my lil brotha, to a certain extent. First, I think you read The Guide literally and it wasn’t intended to be read that way. But an author cannot control such things. So in response to your beef with Ms. Remastered, in my opinion, No, you shouldn’t have to be anything other than intelligent, love God, and be confident in yourself. However, I think you missed a(nother) key point. In the beginning of the blog, she defined who she was (very eloquently, I might add). And so, if that’s not the kind, and I mean the EXACT kind of woman you want to pursue (and from my interpretation of the blog, that kind of uppity sista requires some form of pursuit if you wanna be her man), then she wasn’t talking to you.

But I do think it's a good exercise for folks to articulate who they are as a (dating) person and reflect upon their expectations for a relationship. So, for shitz and giggles (and personal/collective insight), what are the top three things (literally or figuratively) that are included in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating You?...Not sistas/brothas like you...YOU, specifically, YOU!

Oh, alright, I’ll start…

#1 Integrity. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Do the right thing, most of the time. And when you don’t, be man enough to say, “My bad. I’ll do better next time.” Be honest. With me and yourself.

#2 Humor. I truly believe that laughter is food for the soul. Life is too short not to smile and laugh at the tomfoolery that is prevalent amongst us. And one of the sexiest sounds to me in DA WHOLE WIDE WORLD is the sound of a man laughing. And if I made him laugh, LAWDHAMERCY!!! So, if you ain’t into laughing, then we ain’t gon make it boo, lol!

# 3 Support (without me having to ask). Leadership can be quite lonely! I have accepted that I am destined for and have been endowed to do great things. I need/require someone who can handle my shine and fan the flame when I’m feeling weary. If that means checkin me when I forget to count my blessings, then he needs to be able to do that with tenderness and respect so it doesn’t come across as condescension. If that means holding me at night while I cry because there is a kid I am just not able to save, then he needs to be able to do that too.

Your turn...