Introducing....G.R.A.C.E.

grace

--a noun

1.

elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.

2.

a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.

3.

favor or good will.

4.

a manifestation of favor, esp. by a superior: It was only through the dean's grace that I wasn't expelled from school.

5.

mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace.

6.

favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.

7.

an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against him or her or a penalty applied: The life insurance premium is due today, but we have 31 days' grace before the policy lapses. Compare grace period.

8.

Theology .

a.

the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

b.

the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.

c.

a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces.

d.

Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.

9.

moral strength: the grace to perform a duty.

10.

a short prayer before or after a meal, in which a blessing is asked and thanks are given.

11.

( usually initial capital letter ) a formal title used in addressing or mentioning a duke, duchess, or archbishop, and formerly also a sovereign (usually prec. by your, his, etc.).

12.

Graces, Classical Mythology . the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities and in Rome as the Gratiae.

13.

Music . grace note.

–verb (used with object)

14.

to lend or add grace to; adorn: Many fine paintings graced the rooms of the house.

15.

to favor or honor: to grace an occasion with one's presence.

What is G.R.A.C.E. ? Fundamentally, this blog/forum is a venue to think about and exchange ideas about Black heterosexual relationships, romantic mostly, but at times we’ll also get into, familial, platonic, & collegial relationships. Black, cuz I am, and heterosexual for the same reason. And I don’t feel like explaining that any further so I’m not going to, lol!

What I will elaborate on is that this is primarily for folks who are interested in talking about committed relationships!!! If you want to be a playa for life, that’s all good, but don’t be posted ish on my blog about how marriage is legalized prostitution just because it ain’t for you!!! If you plan to be single forever, more power to you!! But I don’t and this is my blog, so again, don’t be hatin’ on the institution I still believe in and value highly enough to devote a daggone blog to figuring how to prepare for one that won’t be dysfunctional!!! K?!! Moving right along…

As I think about my intentions and hopes for this blog and forum, I think the definition of grace from which this site will operate, aligns most closely with those offered by theologians: unmerited favor, mercy, the spirit of God operating in our human lives, a request for blessing and thanksgiving. I intend for this to be a place to ultimately celebrate and affirm the strength that black heterosexual relationships have sustained despite and in spite of our people’s troubled history (and present) in this country. I realize that we all come to the table with different ideas and experiences, so my hope is also for this to be a place of understanding, even if we don’t agree. I want this to be a place to seek and share insights, not to point fingers and/or attempt to figure out once and for all what’s “wrong” with women and men.

Why “grace” though? Well, anyone who knows me, knows that I name everything. And so, yes, I’ve already picked out a few names for the kids I intend to have. One, I know for sure, will be Grace. For now, Grace is a metaphor for all my hopes, dreams, wishes and intentions for my children, biological and otherwise. She is the child I have in mind when I am thinking of lessons to teach teachers how to create nurturing and emancipatory classrooms, especially for kids from urban areas. Grace is the child I’m planning to build a comprehensive community school for. She is the child I will one day be entrusted by God to nurture as my little (but significant) contribution to the human experiment.

So what does “Getting Ready for Affirmative Committed Emotional-peership” (had to hyphenate or it’d be, as Kyla aptly pointed out, GRACEP, and that’s just not as catchy and wrecks the whole flow like this long ass parenthetical qualifier)mean? Well, in my mind, in order for all of the aforementioned manifestations of “Grace” to come to fruition in my life, I got some soul searching and soul preparing to do. And, in part, that is what this is, well at least the blog part. So, I’ll begin each forum by sharing what I’m thinking about, working on, etc. My goal is to own my feelings, thoughts and actions and refrain from fingerpointing and overgeneralizing or asking “Why do all brothas..?” And I encourage you to do the same in your comments. This isn’t a pity party or even a “Why are you STILL single?” type of thing. It’s exactly what it says…getting ready for affirmative committed emotional-peership.

One other thing...this isn't just a a forum for, as Chris Rock calls us, the "single & LONELY," (LOL), I would LOVE for folks in HEALTHY committed relationships to chime in and give insights on what is working/has worked for them. K?

So, here we go…