After months on the job market, having NO luck and no prospects for work, I suddenly found myself considering two positions. One was with a foundation doing potentially great work in the city where I wanted to live. The other was in a city I had never really heard of, doing work I was trained to do but was unsure if that was what I wanted to do.
On paper, the job in the city was PERFECT! The organization was moving in a direction that I saw my career going long-term. I was more than qualified for the position. But they weren’t really actively looking for someone for the position. Because I wanted to be in the city so much and in this line of work, I pursued the job. I sent my vita and a FABULOUS cover letter. And waited. Patiently.
Now, the other job found me at a conference. I had applied to it months prior but had forgotten about it completely. I was sharing my dissertation work and the head of a search committee asked me if I was still interested in the position. I said yes because things were going slow with the other job and I was growing anxious about my employment prospects, or lack thereof. About a week after the conference, I was invited to interview. I was treated like a rock star during that interview. I instantly felt appreciated and valued as a young scholar. If you’ve never had someone pump their fist in the air and shout “YES!” in agreement to one of your answers, it’s a GREAT feeling, lol! I knew I was going to get an offer. But my heart was still set on the city.
When I was offered the job, I felt conflicted. I had no intention of staying in Michigan. My dissertation defense left me questioning if the academy was the place for me. (I did well but there was some boo boo in the game that I’m mostly over, lol!) I asked for and was given a few days to think.
I immediately contacted my dream city job prospect and inquired about the status of my application. I tried to convey that I was really interested in the position but that I was made an offer by the other job that I needed to respond to soon. Although they made it clear that they would not likely be able to give me a definite answer about who they wanted for the job, we made arrangements to meet. It was a long shot, but I had to give it a try. Right?
Now, my first scheduled phone interview for my dream city job was forgotten. Someone forgot to sync the calendars on their phone and computer. My second phone interview went well but I got a strange vibe from the person interviewing me. It was as if they felt obliged to consider me for the position because I was certainly qualified but just didn’t want me for whatever reason. And this feeling was palpable in the face-to-face interview. I strongly sensed that it was not going to be a good fit. Although on paper we both were stellar, we just weren’t a good match in real life.
I wasn’t even a block away from the interview when I called the job that wanted me and asked if the offer was still good. PRAISE GOD it was! And I couldn’t be happier.
Oddly enough, this situation parallels my experiences on the relationship front, somewhat. I have found myself drawn to men that look great on paper but in real life, for whatever reason, we weren’t a good match. Though I cannot say I have actively pursued any version of Mr. Perfect on Paper (MPP), I can say that there have been those (far too many) who I have invested time and energy into (even if only in thought) and there has been little to no reciprocity. This can be very confusing and emotionally draining, especially when like the dream city job, on paper, everything should line up. I began to wonder if “he” really existed. Are my standards unrealistic? Are they just plain wrong? What am I not enough of that is keeping MPP from treating me like the rock star that I am?!!
I’ve come to realize that sometimes, “Why?” is a moot question. I don’t know why the dream job in the city didn’t pan out. I do know that I could not be happier than I am now with the job that treated me (and still treats me) like a rock star. This job is restoring my faith in the academy. I’m being nurtured and cared for professionally and personally. No, it’s not perfect (neither am I) but this is a place where I can see myself growing.
So I don’t know why me and the many iterations of MPP didn’t pan out (or never get started, lol!). But I do know that Mr. Perfect for Marini will probably be like my current job. He likely won’t be what I had in mind. He will recognize me (for the rock star that I am) and make me an offer I cannot refuse.
I guess I’m just in a place right now where I have figured out one more thing that I am looking for/requiring in a relationship. I want to be wanted. Sounds simple, but for me, it’s rather profound. I’ve made a career out of waiting for MPPs to wake up and realize that I am as fabulous in real life as I look on paper. (My longest crush is going on 13 years, lol!) And I’m not talking about physical desire or being “chased” either. Neither of those are “bad,” in and of themselves. When I say “wanted,” I’m talking about recognizing, valuing and appreciating the woman I am working hard to be because I, now more than ever, recognize, value and appreciate the woman that I am working hard to be. THAT is why waiting for MPP to do so was toxic for me. I was asking “them” to do something I wasn’t doing for myself. And now that I think about it, that’s probably one of the main reasons why things never panned out. I guess “Why?” is not such a moot question after all.
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